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“I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.)”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)

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“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“There's not a man in America who at one time or another hasn't had a secret desire to boot a child in the ass.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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