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“It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never even thanked her.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)

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“I only drink to steady my nerves. Sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I drink therefore I am.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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