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“The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)

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“No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“It was a woman who drove me to drink -- and, you know, I never even thanked her.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.)”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Either you're drunk or your braces are lopsided.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“You can't cheat an honest man. He has to have larceny in his heart in the first place.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I was married once -- in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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