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“The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)

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“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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“The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.”
W. C. Fields quotes (American Comic and Actor, 1880-1946)
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